|I feel the same way Ginny.|
Talking has to help.
The craziest thing to me was that no one seemed to notice. I told my mom that I was upset, and she said she thought something was up. I talked to her about it for a little bit, and she said she felt the same way (at least a bit) when me and my brother were born. We were both via c-section. That got me thinking, I didn't think any less of my mother for having a c-section. Not one iota. Why did I feel like such a failure?
|Me and my standing 8 week old|
I was reading everything my husband could find on c-section depression. It made me feel a little better. I told my other sister in law (who was also pregnant) that I had read that I needed to mourn the loss of my birth. I over heard my brother in law saying that he was mourning the loss of his Friday night. I cried about that when I got home. This road to healing was going to be harder than expected.
I started researching VBAC. (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) Then I started to look up to see if my OB did VBAC. Of course not. I thought I hit a wall. Then I thought, WHY would I even think of going back to that doctor in the first place??? The doctor that made me feel like we had a c-section because it was supper time. I fired him. He didn't know it, but he was fired.
|Someone had great neck control for an 8wk old.|
The first meeting was in November. I almost didn't go. I'm not good with groups, and I get so nervous that my stomach gets upset. My SIL was supposed to go with me, but couldn't, and I forgot my phone at home. I almost turned around. There were a few more people there than I expected, about 12 I think. We did introductions and the people who had successfully had VBACs shared their stories. They were great to hear. Two of them were hospital births, two were at home. It was great to be around people that felt similar to me. Not all the same. But similar. Some were more traumatized by the actual surgery, the interventions, and the loss of their births. This meeting opened up my eyes to choices. Choices I didn't know I had. I didn't feel like I was stuck anymore.
|My tattoo/scar 5 days post op. Not a pretty |
picture but that's what it looked like.