Friday, October 7, 2011

My birth was like "Rainbows and Unicorns"- BARF

If I read one more "perfect" birth story I might throw up- and not just because I'm pregnant.  In case you haven't noticed, I read about birth, a lot.  At least an hour or so a day on blogs or books.  And I volunteer for the ICAN group.  At times, that requires research.  Oh, have I mentioned I'm a birth junkie?
G, all milk drunk
I discovered I was a birth junkie, when I first read the term birth junkie on a birth blog.  Probably my 30th birth blog.  In my birth junkie-ness, I read a lot of birth stories that talk about their "perfect" births.  "At that point, I reached down to touch the head, and with one more big push, our beautiful baby girl slid out into the water inter her fathers waiting hands."  BARF.  I've only read a couple stories that were honest, saying it hurt like hell, seemed endless, but they were proud of themselves.  To me, that's being honest!  That was the motivation behind this entire blog, being honest about my feelings.  Do I love being pregnant?  No.  I don't sleep well, I have constant heartburn, acne, gas, my hair turns into a dry mess, I pee 20 times a day, I get cranky, emotional, and I couldn't feel more un-sexy.  Oh, and I miss happy hour with my husband.  Is pregnancy worth it?  OF COURSE.  I also miss snuggling my baby, having a baby nap on me, wearing my baby, breastfeeding, and that newborn cry.
14+ weeks
If I'm not expecting a rainbows and unicorns birth, then what am I expecting?  I'm expecting this to be the hardest thing I've ever done.  (and trust me, that black belt test was NOT easy)  I'm expecting to be in pain for an undetermined amount of time, with limited mobility because of monitors, and still have the possibility of this ending up the same way it did last time.  I am 99% sure that this child will come out vaginally, but there are no guarantees with birth.  And I would be lying to myself if I tried to convince myself otherwise.
Am I too cynical?  Probably, but that's the way I live my life.  I love my husband and daughter, we are very blessed.  Some people would say that they "have the best husband and daughter in world and couldn't be happier."  Those people, are living the rainbows and unicorns kind of life style.  For those of you who live in cynical sarcasm land with me, you'll probably enjoy this blog, my VBAC journey and, God willing, my birth story.

2 comments:

  1. Love this post! I so agree. I tend to be brutally honest about my birth ("It hurt like heck!"), but in the birth world there's a lot of romanticizing going on... and I'm not a romanticizer (if that's even a word). Looking forward to reading! :)

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  2. I am looking forward to keeping up with your journey. Great post Jesse!

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